Inside My Mind

Friday Afternoon

There are days that seem to last forever and this has been one of them. After two weeks of working myself almost to illness, this week has just crawled by. I realize that I love the stressful part of my job. It brings excitement and a huge sense of accomplishment.

The article on the award I received hit the airwaves today. I didn't understand the full impact of the award until I started getting mail from up the management chain. This one is all about personal pride in my work. I am proud of what I do and how I do it. I have enjoyed the last year on a professional level.

Makes you wonder why I am depressed, doesn't it? Why do I need a therapist. I tell ya. It seems when one part of your life is soaring another part is bringing you such grief that you don't even know how to express it. I miss Betty very much. She was the best mother-in-law a girl could ever have wanted. And Dad, I fash over him a lot. He doesn't know it. His grief is unbearable for me. I feel it on the deepest of levels.

And, then, there's the pain. I am in constant pain these days. I am so tired of being in pain, so very tired of it. Paul keeps me going with love and plenty of laughter. Maybe some other day I will tell you about the things we laugh about. I count my blessings everyday but it doesn't take the pain away. Nothing does that. It doesn't seem like all the medicine in the world will do that. Each day, I get out of bed and wonder what is going to hurt the most today. Will I get a migraine? Will my knee shoot out that excruciating pain that can stop me mid-stride? Will my hand ache with each click of the mouse? I just don't know. I only know that it is another day I get to spend married to Paul, being a member of a great extended family and working at something I enjoy doing.

Well, I think that will do it for now.

posted by Louise @ 4:00 PM