Inside My Mind

Mondays are Mondays

I don't think I have ever had a Monday that didn't feel like a Monday. In fact, except for the weekend part, this Monday feels like last Friday. Not much changes around here. Not much changes around anywhere it seems.

Depression looms heavy on my mind. It seems like I will always be depressed which is just more depressing. I know it won't last forever but it certainly feels like it will. What are you supposed to do with that? Sure, I take anti-depressants but they aren't keeping me from being depressed. I wonder what they are doing. All those drugs and I still can't sleep at night. I take what should knock out a herd of elephants to no avail. I wake up as tired as when I went to bed.

Do you remember in the 70's and 80's when people would be suffering from exhaustion? I think I am exhausted but nobody gets treated for it anymore. You just keep being exhausted which makes you tired which makes you not want to move which makes you be in pain which makes you depressed which makes you exhausted... See where I am headed with this? I am just tired and depressed and I feel wrong. I feel really, really wrong.

Thank goodness Paul is in my life. He keeps me going. I know that he will make me laugh on my worst of days. Not many people experience the love I have with him in my life. It's odd. I feel guilty for feeling depressed when there are people that would die to have half of what I have in this world. Possessions don't make you happy. I don't even have a lot of possessions. I just don't want to be depressed anymore. Stupid brain chemicals

posted by Louise @ 3:38 PM