What is going through my mind
As I write this, I am grappling with issues that are scary for me. I might as well get them out and see how it goes.First, Rod, Leigh's husband and father to Casey and Mandy, has been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. More tests need to be run but the preliminary diagnosis is that he has the same kind of muscular dystrophy that crippled my grandfather, my aunt, and my only two cousins. It is a devastating disease and I can't do anything to help. I pray and I beg for mercy for him. I have seen what that form of the disease can do and it is overwhelming to consider what my sister will be dealing with in the years to come. What makes it worse is that Mandy and Casey may both have it as well.
The bad news keeps coming and I am at the end of my rope here. Something has to change. Things have to get better.
In therapy this week, I reached a point where I have to deal with some unknown issues in my past. I don't know what they are and I am afraid of whatever it is. I have been hiding the memories and protecting myself for so long it is terrifying to contemplate even thinking about dealing with the issues. I am afraid. I am upset. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. But, I know I have to or I won't get better. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. Tears stream down my face as I write this. God, please help me deal with it. Ease my fear and my pain. Hold me in the palm of your hand. I can't do it without you and I can't do it without Paul. Please, God, hear my prayer. Have mercy on your child, Lord. Let me find peace.
Love to all.
Louise
posted by Louise @ 12:30 PM
3 Comments:
Lord hear our prayer
You've been able to deal with everything so far, so I think you're a pretty strong person. I have faith that you will be glad that you have had the strength to deal with whatever issues you need to deal with. Who knows, maybe you've avoided thinking about it because at the time, you weren't strong enough, but now you are.
I only wish that I could find the words to assure that we are all with you as you struggle to deal with what-ever it is that is troubling you. I'm sure that your courage in facing the past will give you the strength to face the future whatever it may bring. I came across a birthday message I had sent to my sweetheart years ago. It was Eliz. Barret Brownings poem "How do I love you?" At the bottom I had printed a picture frame with the note "It is empty without you." Little did I know! But I survive and face each day with anticipation,.
Dad
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