Quiet again
Okay, so the last post was empty. Go figure. I post something that means something to me and it comes up blank. Well, who can tell with these things?Quiet...the real post
I find myself withdrawing from people when I am depressed. I tend not to communicate at all except with Paul and my new psychologist. Quite frankly, it takes energy to put together coherent thoughts. Saturday was a real bad day. I never bothered to shower and get dressed and never really ate anything after breakfast. I think it was a follow-on to Friday's bad day. Is Focal over yet?
Sunday Paul took me to the coast. We went to Cannon Beach for a beautiful couple of hours driving and then sitting and talking and walking on the beach. The weather was beautiful and I felt the most relaxed I have felt since October 2005. Now, if I could just bottle the sounds, the smell, and the laughter and carry it around with me, that would be terrific. Paul turned into a pun-o-matic. You will have to ask him about sneaker waves and sand crabs.
So, Monday, I had an appointment with a new psychologist because I finally decided I needed help getting through this. It wasn't going to go away. My coping mechanisms had been overloaded and they blew a fuse. I cried for the entire hour that I was in that office. I felt like I could just let go and that it wouldn't overtake me. I can't do the same at home. I haven't cried like that in eons. I have finally started to grieve for Betty, Jimmy, Sandy, Laura, Tom and the other losses of Butterball and our home and the car I totaled. Didn't know I was attached to that car but I was.
I am not going to recover tomorrow or the next day but at least I have a plan now. I can see a glimmer of a path before me. I will get my bearings straight.
Love to all.
posted by Louise @ 7:13 AM
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