There's a lot inside my mind this week
I certainly do appreciate all that I have in this life. I have the world's best husband, a loving family, great friends, a good job, a nice roof over my head, good food on the table, and the grace of the Father. And inside my mind and heart, I know all of this. It is what gets me through the days of fighting this depression. Depression as an illness is hard for me to explain. There are no pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. If that were possible, I would be happy all the time. I am good at the bootstraps. And still you fight the disease hoping to win the battle. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life to its fullness. And those brain chemicals just keep staying unbalanced. If I could control my depression, I would do it. I wish it were that simple but it just isn't. And so life goes on.
My physical health is just not right these days. The doctors decided that I need to be on an event monitor to monitor my heart for the next 30 days. They have stress tested me. They have poked and prodded. I have enough needle marks to make people wonder how I could be such a klutzy drug user. It just stinks right now. And my right hand, well, it needs major surgery if I want to be able to use it. Thanks. I know that someday all will be well again. I know I will come out of this slump. I always have before. It is just depressing to me.
I am looking forward to seeing my parents. They are coming out to Portland on October 6. We have plans for them as well. I want them to see why I think this is such beautiful country. It is so beautiful here and I do love being here. I think I would love being anywhere as long as Paul was there with me. This is their first ever trip to Oregon. There is so much to see and to do but I don't want to wear them out completely. Wish me luck!
Oh, just so you know, I do know there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I just can't always see it. :-)
Cool light-weight nerd
My best friend
My best girl friend has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Because it is widespread, they do not know for sure what kind of cancer it is yet. We are still waiting on word from the doctors. I am not particularly fond of her doctors and their lack of communication with her. I say we because I am going through this by her side. I get just as anxious and worried as she does. I know that I am more depressed than she is over this. I also know because it is the numbers of people I love that have died in the last two years. Someone told me that I will get accustomed to it as time goes by and I get older. I think 42 is very young to be use to this already.
Have I told you that being in HR stinks at times? I had a very hard termination to walk a manager through last week and this. I knew it was the right thing but my heart was strained over it. For the most part I love my job. And then there are times when I absolutely think I can't go it anymore. Nobody ever tells you in advance that there will be times that your head must override your heart. Bah!
Other than that, life is good. My computer screen just turned all pink. Pink is a lovely color, don't you think? This is a nice bright pink. It looks like a fluorescent Pepto-Bismol. I have a feeling this it not a good thing since I can't get it to go back to white. Gotta go.
Finally, a test about my grammar pet peeves
| You Scored an A |
You got 10/10 questions correct.
It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.
If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.
As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.
And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.
|
What a nice weekend
It is great to have Dad with us. Things have been very relaxed and unplanned. That is how I live my life so I am glad Dad is okay with it. We had a very nice trip to Mt. St.
Helens. She was steaming good and this it the first time I could see the steam from Johnston Ridge. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous.
Will, Karyn and the boys came over yesterday. We had a good time eating and talking. I had made a new dessert recipe, key lime cake. It is tart! It pairs well with vanilla ice cream. It was a very easy recipe and I will probably make it again some time. I wonder if Paul and Dad have left me any.
Relaxation therapy begins tonight. I can't wait. This is something I have been looking forward to as relaxing is the only way I am going to sleep peacefully. I had the worst dream on Sunday night. I dreamed that my father had died and I woke up with tears running down my cheek. It was so real to me and hard not to believe. The dream precipitated a call to my parental units yesterday to make sure that all was well.
Work is quiet today. It is kind of weird for it to be this quiet. I think it is the calm before the storm. With any luck, I'll actually get out of here on time today.
Happy trails...
